An article caught my interest this morning as I distracted myself from finishing a paper at the ass-crack of dawn:
And then I came across the original article:
Essentially, this woman’s greatest regret in life is having children, and I’m so glad she was honest about her lack of desire both before and after having kids.
For the record, I’ve never wanted kids myself. I do not like children, I find them all annoying and way more trouble than they’re worth. When my sister was pregnant, she would tell me all about feeling the baby move. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine what it would feel like to have a living being moving inside of me, really trying to imagine the beauty of those moments.
I was quickly grossed out.
I could never handle feeling a living being, this alien, using my body as living space, crawling, kicking, creating waste, pushing, demanding… And then, after it rips its way out of me, I could never imagine having to see it, feed it, and take care of it every day. Nope. Not for me.
I’ve known kids weren’t for me since I was little. There is no mother instinct in me, and 9 times out of 10 I am more irked at children than enamored with them.
Still, I have conversations all the time in which I’m told that it’s only a matter of time before I change my mind. Don’t worry, you say that now, but when you get to be 35 or 40, you’ll be desperate for one!
I have had even more conversations about the apparent unbelievably that I, A WOMAN, don’t want kids. It’s just so out of this world, not even in the realm of possibility. Why am I so cold?
So here’s the deal: just because I have the parts does not mean I have any desire to use them for this purpose. Also, I am not the only one (see above article). We are not rare, we just choose not speak. I, for one, get tired of having asinine talks about my lack of desire for children and my certainty about never having any. I’m tired of not being taken at my word, for being dismissed and being told that, essentially, I have no clue what I’m really saying and that, someday, I’ll feel that motherly desire inside of myself and give birth to a baseball team.
No, actually. I won’t.
The closest thing I felt to ‘motherly instinct’ was when I began to feel like Angel’s dog was mine. When he was alive, he was my son. I even wanted to get a puppy so that we could have a bigger family. We never got the puppy, sadly.
The way I felt about Tower? I’ve never felt anything close to that about children.
I know that Angel wants kids, and we’ve had plenty of discussion. He thinks I’ll be a great mom, and I think that even if that were the case it doesn’t mean that I WANT to be.
Thing is, I was thinking along the lines of this woman: maybe I should give him kids because I don’t want to deny him his right to be a father. But I don’t want to be stuck with a lifetime of taking care of someone else and a lifetime of regret.
I told him a long time ago that if he ever got to the point that he was ready to start a family and I was still adamantly against it, he should leave me because that would be better than staying with me and resenting me later on for keeping him from being happy. He got mad at that, and whenever I tell people they think I’m awful.
What’s so awful about a) wanting your spouse to be happy, b) not wanting kids, and c) being realistic?
We’ll see how it plays out, I guess. And this woman gets a golf clap from me for speaking her mind on the issue and for showing that no, not all women want to be or enjoy being mommies.